Self-denial

"If we are not our own, but the Lord's, it is clear that what purpose all our deeds must be directed...We are God's own, to him, therefore, let us live and die."

-John Calvin

All around me the world is telling me to be perfect, to make myself known, to look good, to have power, to be respected, to live the "American Dream." To be successful I am to have deep pockets, a beautiful wife, tons of fun, and a thriving well-paying career. All, so that I can endure as little pain as possible and retire happily ever after. In contrast the bible says that I should die to myself, and serve all who surround me. That I should not look to my own interest, but focus on the intrest of those who surround me. I should humbly regard others as better than myslef. Calvins urges beleivers to take on the mind of Christ in everything that we do, and allow him to move us. That if we have truly died to ourselves, our actions no longer look like our own, but rather they become the mannerisms of Christ. Calvin suggest that if our minds are truely set on eternity, we become pilgrims of this world longing for all of creation to be in the heavenly realms. With this, our lifestyle shall surely follow as rebels of the American Dream.

Seeing A Whole New World

Annie Dillard talks about changing the way that we look at the world and taking in tiny little detail so that we can fully see the world in way that gives it new shape and meaning. When I read this I emmidiately thought back to my 2011 summer in Colorado. That summer I was reading a book by Brother Lawrence called Practing the Presence of God. He spoke similar to Dillard in directing your attention to detial, and really focusing and concentrating on seeing our omnipitent God in all things. After practicing this for a summer, it really has become a part of who I am now, and my eyes have been given a new focus to see everything even the smallest most obscure things and scenarios with much greater depth. This has called me to a much more active prayer life- my time with God is not comparmentalized into a certain time a day, but walks with me and talks to me no matter what im doing or observing. This is what it means to walk with Jesus. I have only scratched the surface of what Annie is pointing toward but I cannot see with my old eyes anymore.

Evangelism

I am encouraged in reading about the urgency Saint Francis towards evangelism, and not only that but his desire to collect a team of colleages to engage in the same mission.

Here recently many doors have been opended to share Jesus with broken people who have stumbled into my life, it has not been uncommon this semester to have someone crash on the couch in the living room I share with my roommate. Evangelism has taken new life as I have had the opportunity to share Jesus with a friend here recently. About three weeks ago, I was contacted about a guy on campus who was broken and really needed someone to talk to, I followed up that request with a two hour conversation about life with this student. Its funny how not in control we are. If we simply pray the prayer, "father sourround me with broken people." He does! Infact, he not only brings broken people into your life, but gives you new eyes to see brokenness, and puts his words truth in your mouth, and gives you his hands to heal. Each week I have been given opportunities to share the gospel with young, old, homeless, wealthy, drug abusers, crazy women in UA parking lot, people with nothing, and lost students on campus. I am no saint, nor am I sinless- but my God continues to lavish his grace upon me, and my weaknesses have become my strength.

The Grace of Humility

In regaurd to my family, occupation, and economic position- it could be easy in the eyes of the wealthy and nobel to feel ashamed of my curent status. Instilled in me from my mother and father is a content character- confident that what I have is all that I need for satisfaction and even more than I need. Growing up my parents would only spend 50 dollars on my brothers and I each for Christmas. In comparison, looking back the friends I had at the time were recieving soo much more than I was and at times it was a little embarrassing. All the while, my parents were so fun and creative with the 50 dollars that for a long time I had no idea that they would only spend certain amount. As far as I knew- I was being given everything I could ever dream of. Now when I talk about my current status I can only humbly recongnize the roots of my upbringing and speak with the utmost joy.

Of the list of rules, #17 taking an active part n praising others, entertaining their good with delight: this has always come so natural to me. I enjoy pinpointing the gifts and talents of those who surround me, and follow with words of affirmation. #6 never say anything, directily or indirectly, that will provoke praise or elicit compliments from others: this has alwasy been tough for me, its just so easy to set up a conversation to point praise or compliments back at myself- I think one of my love languages is words of affirmation so to set up or provoke a compliment sometimes comes subconciously from my nature.

Transformation Ch. 5

Connection is important for missions because it is the power of the kingdom, it is what binds people together, connection happens through believers encouraging one another- keeping each other accountable- supporting each other with resources- knowing how to better minister to one another so that people will be equip and ready to reach out into a broken world. Roberts says, It breaks the chains of individualism and reflects the earthly kingdom and future kingdom of God.

Transformation Ch. 3

The difference between transformation and conversion =The Spirit alive and at work in transformed persons life. 

It is possible to convert, change religions- and remain the same person. Converting is simply changing from one religion to another. This happens often in our western world because 'being a Christian is the right thing do.' At least thats what's common in the surrounding east text area codes. There are so many people in our churches who have converted from not being a Christian- to accepting Christianity in the same way their parents vote republican. They just do, 'its the right thing to do.' Thats simply it. 

The difference in Transformation is that people are not okay with a simple, 'its the right thing to do' response. I know this can offend lots of people, but I would a large portion of Christians in the southern bible belt have not experienced transformation. Transformation takes place in persons life who does not just become a better person- but rather takes on a complete new identity. Transformation has taken place in a persons life who has internalized that they have been made into a new creation, that it is no longer they who live- but JESUS! As a result, in that persons life the works of the king are evident. The difference between them and a convert, Conversion is: telling someone that they are a Christian. Transformation is: being approached about a recognized change in their life. 

The Gospel is making me a different person right now as I have engaged in the lives of young men on campus. The Gospel is alive in my life- and it is evident in my burdened heart for life in lives of lost young men on my campus. I am discovering more and more how much I need the Gospel each day, and in every moment. It has not only Transformed me, but it is doing work in this season that I would title 'Waves.' It is my strength. 

Roberts Ch. 2 Transformation

"Allowing God to transform our perception of the purpose of the church will prompt us to put the church; in the context of the nations, culture, the kingdom of God, the preisthood of the believer, and of eternity."

Bob Roberts

Roberts talks about "living the kingdom of God" in that our ultimate goal is not only on personal discipleship but it is about engaging entire nations and infrastractures! Im encouraged in the way that he sees planting church as not only an avenue to reach the local communities, states, and nation, but it is a stronger push towards the full kingdom of God- that "kingdom in Kingdom out" involves the holy spirt worlking in peoples lives to be moved to ALL nations!

"If self-denial is a condition for salvation, all who desire to be saved must make self- denial a part of everyday life."

-William Law

Law stresses the importance that we are not only men of public prayer and consistent in our attendance, that really none of those things even matter if not pair with action in obedience in EVERY aspect of our lives. Self-denial is crucial in our witness to the world- those who pray one thing, or say one thing and live a worldly life in any way- are not devout men of Christ. A devout man is one who is committed to walking by faith in every aspect of life- not dependent on what is comfortable to ones self, but seeking the kingdom in every breath- even if that means loosing breath. This is something that is pushing my weak spots right now. Are my prayers in line with the works in my life?- for faith without works are dead. There are parts of my life that I display as righteous and holy in-front of large groups of people- I am commonly portrayed as a man who has his things together, "ah Brian, what a great guy." What a lie I say. My heart is full of deceit and my motives are often dark. 

Father may the worlds that come from my lips be reflected by a holistic living sacrifice of all of my life. I am a sinful man- the only thing good in me is Jesus. Oh Father thank you for Grace. 

"To give away money is to win victory over the dark powers that oppress us."

-Elizabeth O'Connor 

This reading selection gave a lot of insight to things that I have been working through for a while now. Money- I spend it like its not even real, and that is the truth. I have worked since I was 12 or 13 years old, and had a steady income all the while. I guess the way that I spent my money hasn't ever had much relevance, but at the same time I have always given my money away- almost like it wasn't real. I have seen the way that my parents have tithed consistently our entire lives, even in the times that we didn't have as much as usual, it had no effect on how much we gave to the church. I have also seen examples of people who just give at any point that they see need- no matter the amount, they fully trust God and live with hands loose. Not one or the other are doing it the wrong way, but that in both areas I have seen  God's people give- therefore, giving makes sense. The prayer that I have been praying for a while now is that God would move me to give ALWAYS- what a beautiful thing to walk by faith and have no money saved up incase of emergency, but rather give and give knowing that God is provider- that he is sovereign and is the ultimate provision in my life and to all of the peoples of the earth. What a powerful testimony to the world in living faithfully on the edge of finances each month- relying on the Lord to provide. 

Oh Father may the enemy have no reign in the light of your provision in my life- teach me, open my eyes to the need that surrounds me, plant in me strength to give when it is uncomfortable and sharpen my faith in trusting that you WILL provide. 

Go.

http://media1.imbresources.org/files/155/15544/15544-85607.mp4


The video posted above is talking about obedience influenced by the great Lottie Moon. It documents the lives of two college students that have given up the american dream to go over seas and serve as missionaries, sharing the message of Jesus Christ that has changed their lives. It is important for Baptist to work together to further the kingdom of God, because collectively our ministry is so much stronger. This video represents the urgency for the gospel in other countries- and pulls together churches all over the united states towards in order to communicated the need to send people away. This video would have received far less views if not placed in the network of the global Baptist Church.

http://www.baptiststandard.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=14407&Itemid=53


The article above talks about how advocates in Texas are teaming with organizations other states to fight hunger. It is cool to see that there are so many different organizations and people that spend all of themselves fighting hunger. It was reported that it was approved to provide 15 million more breakfasts'   this year for young children and that 114 new locations were planted to provide family weekly food needs.

It is important for ministries to have access to the Baptist Standard- it helps to provide information about all kinds of justice that are being fought for, and freedoms that are being celebrated locally and globally.

 “The fact that we are brethren only through Jesus Christ is of immeasurable significance… What determines our brotherhood is what that man is by reason of Christ.  Our community with one another consists solely in what Christ has done to both of us.  This is true not merely at the beginning, and though in the course of time something else were to be added to our community; it remains so for all the future and to all eternity.”

 -Deitrich Bonhoeffer 

 It is absolutely necessary for us to live in community. We are called the body of Christ, for to body to function- it needs all parts to be active and working together. For the word of God to be communicated to us, we also need each other to speak it: Deitrich says, " God has put his word into the mouth of others in order that it may be communicated to us. When one person is stuck by the word he speaks it to others.....Therefore, the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God's word to him." Christ has also through himself allowed us to relate to one another- he has enabled us to reason and understand each other. With out Jesus there is a separation between God and man, and even a separation among men. Christ has become mediator in his sacrifice so that there is no distinction. We relate to each other in knowing that it is only by Jesus that we are who we are, that we have done nothing- so there no longer slave or free, jew or gentile, male or female, white or black, but by his grace we are all set free. This is how we are to see each other and understand one another- that we are no longer captives, but live in freedom together. This is community- an ever present reminder of Christ- he is the joy that lives in each of us- so we do not praise on another or convict each other, rather we live knowing that the good in each of us is only Jesus. He is whom we love. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0HXUnaUL3A

Above is a link of a recording by Ravi Zacharias on the life of David Livingstone.  

David Livingstone is no perfect man and his story is not a perfect story. But, his story is worth telling because he FOLLOWED Jesus. On his skin he wore the scars of submission and sacrifice. Found in his eyes were the reflection of broken people and miraculous transformations. Behind him, his feet left footprints down narrow and blazed trails, footprints of faithfulness. On his knees you will find his strength, deep in the scabs of prayer and petition. 

I don't know where my life will lead, or what specific journey the lord has sketched out for my feet. But I do know that it is only joy that will leave me on my knees at the end. David Livingstone is an incredible example of what Jesus means when he tells us to count the cost. His life was centered around sacrifice of self/and worldly things. 

Father humble me, strip me of my self. Forgive me of my selfishness. Take me where you please, and like my good friend Canaan says, "let me pour some chocolate chips in the cookie batter, I wanna help you make cookies." 

Life is too fast.

Today I woke up and had my usual cup of coffee, then soaked it up with a heart melting cinnamon roll.  Then I started to think about all of the things that I needed to get done today in order to stay caught up. I quickly found myself being overwhelmed with not only school work, but there were two big decisions about my future that I really needed to start considering and one particularly that I felt needed a quick answer, I had no answers. I still have none, but i've committed to fast for the entire day.

For the past few days i've been overwhelmed with a recent scenario, that could drastically change the future seasons of my life. I've been praying about it, but still doing life the same way as if I were not considering any big decisions. I guess I just feel like it should be different. The Lord moved me this morning to give up control- he urged me. Washing down the end of my cinnamon roll I was reminded of my immediate desires, and food being something that I rarely think about; in fact, typically overindulge without hesitance. I'm really hungry right now, but have been reminded today more than most days- of my need for God.

Im hungry, and Im thirsty God- fill me with the bread of life, I want to taste living water. Remove my thoughts from my immediate desires so that I might experience a greater depth of your love. 

Richard Rolle

"All love which is not God-directed is bad love, and makes its possessors bad, too."

-Richard Rolle

 Richard Rolle talks about about the real root of sin and compares it to both the seen and unseen. I think the sin that we are most aware of and quick to condemn is of course, the seen. Those who love to better themselves, cover themselves with gifts and are quick to cause arguments in order that they might become better than those around them- an extremely individualistic lifestyle they live; this is the sin that is always so evident. But Rolle makes a point in talking about the root being as much unseen as the seen. Could a vocational minister indulge in the same sin and still lead a congregation or community in the ways of Jesus. The unseen sin is found in the heart of those who have no appeal for self-image, they  have no desire to engage in arguments- longing to be perfect. This unseen sin is as deep as the seen- "they see themselves as saints standing out from the rest." The root of both sins is greed. It is very real possibility that a minster could fall deep into this sin. As a result it has potential to bring down all people that they surround themselves with. Family, community, and friends are all effected by the mass of greed that drives a person to look better than the world. It eventually takes its toll, "love for God and love for the world cannot coexist in the same soul: the stronger drives out the weaker, and it soon appears who loves the world, and who follows Christ. The strength of peoples love is shown in what they do." 

Father remove the greed my heart that leads me away from you, draw me in close- teach me to love as you have loved. 

Baptist Roots

I have been raised my entire life in a Southern Baptist church. If someone asked me what happens on a Sunday or Wednesday, I could almost show immediately from muscle memory. If asked about the Baptist doctrine, before this week- I would have given extremely vague answer. I may have responded with something like,"we believe that Jesus is Lord...and you need to be baptized to become a member.."
It was honestly humiliated sitting in class at a baptist university, not able to scratch the surface of our doctrine. As we were exploring the history of the Baptist Church, I found two things that majorly reshaped my understanding of Baptist doctrine; and have strangely created a new excitement for the Baptist faith.

1. The Baptist Church was birthed through a desire for religious freedom.

In the 1600's when the Roman Catholic Church was persecuting those who did not agree with their doctrine- John Smyth and Thomas Helwys said 'wait...we have read the bible. We should be free to practice our beliefs as we understand them.' They were a huge part of the fight for religious freedom and even wrote the first letter to argue for religious freedom. It's important to know today that our Baptist faith is deeply rooted in a personal understanding of God's word-rather than just merely believing and practicing the ways of other believers. It is so important that the church today still urges the importance of a personal understanding of God's word-through individual study.

2. Baptist are mission minded

In the early 1700's the First National Baptist Convention was formed soley to help with international missions. Johann Gerhard Oncken, a leader of convention- said that, "every Baptist is a missionary."  Our Baptist roots are also strongly founded on the mission of God- to the ends of the earth. It is important to claim the same passion that early Baptist had towards taking the good news to all people.

Monastic Movement

In Orthodox and Catholic paradigms, monks played a key role in mission for more than a thousand years. Why is this so, and how can we apply some of the same principles in our own context today?

The monastic movement was in the missional mindset of rather long term missions. Monks would move into cities/communities seeking to live amongst the natives: aiding in land development, building homes, and eventually monasteries that would be a source of educational development and other academics. Monks lived to see growth in communities, they reached out to the poor and broken with Christ compelled hearts seeking redemption and restoration. Today, we have much to learn about long term missions that take years to develop entire cities. We are such a consumer/immediate self satisfaction oriented culture that our ministries only last until they start to go downhill- then we bail and move on to the next popular movement or church plant.

God, give us patience- and remind us that missions belong to you.

Prayer

"Prayer is friendship with God. Friendship is not formal, but it is not formless: it has its cultivation, its behavior, its obligations, even its disciplines; and the casual mind kills it."

-George A. Buttrick 

My current prayer life is not so much formal- I wouldn't even begin to describe it as formal. But is form has not yet been matured. It has no schedule or disciplines for that matter. I would like my prayers to almost become more formal- that I develop a consistent schedule in which I pray specifically for different people in my life, organizations, and future oriented visions. I talked to one of my good friends a few weeks ago, and she has committed each day to pray specifically for things in her life. I would like to develop a scheduled prayer life- to offer up my life through prayer consistently and specifically each week, so that his response will not go unnoticed. 

Father, mold me into a man of prayer. 

Paul's Style

"Paul's mission is greatly affected by one decisive difference between ordinary grace periods and this God-given one---we, the debtors, have not been told how long the grace period will last."

-Stan Nussbaum 

Paul's urgency towards mission is strongly driven by his understanding of the grace period. He has no idea when Jesus will return, but he fully understands the good news as a result of his personal encounter with Jesus that he can only approach missions with urgency. He also knows that justice will be the result of Jesus' return, and that he is justified by grace through faith- but this good news has not yet been carried to the ends of the earth. 

I think today in the churches that I am familiar with and especially in my own life we do a great job in showing grace and being strategic in our missional efforts- but I sense this lack of urgency that Paul carried. His relationships and passion that he built with the people he came in contact with were built with urgency for kingdom growth. He not only shared the good news with them, but taught with such an urgency that it reflected his confidence. We are so casual about the way that we do life week to week, and even in our attempts to be missional- it seems to be done with timidity and discomfort. This lack of urgency in our missional efforts is dangerous because it is strongly a reflection in our confidence in the news that we are sharing. It could be helpful for local churches to be consistent in teaching classes focused on the urgency of the Gospel, but the best way for the gospel to advance is for the urgently missional pauls within the church to find timothy's and commit to doing life with them, so that they see and understand the Gospel in every aspect of life. 

God renew my understanding of grace each day, turn my self-reflected desires into an urgency for your kingdom. Multiply discipleship in my life- I commit to you a life of teaching young men to follow the Jesus that has given me life. 

"The nature of human beings is to be inactive unless influenced by some affection: love or hatred, desire, hope, fear, etc. These affections are the "spring of action," the things that set us moving in our lives, that move us to engage in the activities." 

-Johnathan Edwards

My life at ETBU has been changed because of affection. I have been loved so deeply by my savior that has become my "spring of action." The desires I have are all birthed from the things of my Heavenly Father- which, are all things. I understand that he desires to make all things new, and is in a constant state of redemption. The influence of his affection in my life has given me a passion for the things that I used to despise. For example, my GPA has seen some really bad days in my early collegiate years- and it still has its bad days. But the same love that I has been showered on me, I now have for the things of the world- I long to know more and more about all that surrounds me: process, theory, communication, history- so that I might know how to love more effectively. This semester more than ever, I am in love with my education, anxious to dig through my textbooks and to fill spirals with notes. 

Thank you, Jesus, for showing your power through my new love for education. 

"The discipline of solitude allows us gradually to come in touch with this hopeful presence of God in our lives, and allows us also to taste even now the beginnings of the joy and peace which belong to the new heaven and the new earth."

-Henri J. M. Nouwen

We were asked to arrive an hour early before a sunday service and spend that time in solitude- preparing our hearts for the service and praying over the people who would attend, the message, etc. This is a discipline that I am almost intimidated by: being that I am a character of movement and untamed brainstorms. In all honesty, I didn't quite make it an hour. But, within that time of solitude- I was able to give up of own selfish expectations within the service and more fully rejoice in presence of the Lord and was more anxious for his kingdom's growth.

I have only tasted a small bit of real solitude and would even be sure in saying that I am a baby in the context that Henri Nouwen defines it.

Father, take me by the mind-brain and have your way. May the my presence of my immediate needs and desire fade in the vision of you.

The Dark Night of the Soul

"At a certain point in the spiritual journey God will draw a person from the beginning stage to a more advanced stage. At this stage the person will begin to engage in religious exercises and grow deeper in the spiritual life. 

Such souls will likely experience what is called " the dark night of the soul."  The "dark night" is when those persons lose all the pleasure that they once experienced in their devotional life. This happens because God wants to purify them and move them on to greater heights." 

-John of the Cross

In John's writings he talks about the "the dark night" being a time when we separate our spiritual lives from these things we do that are a result of our hunger for God, that is feeding our very own souls rather than the kingdom. This has deepened my understanding of being a living sacrifice. I understand the "the dark night" to be something I'm experiencing right now. For the past few years I have been digging into the spiritual riches of a baby christian-and I continue. But right now I'm restless as I have begun to truly grasp the truth that I have been made into the image of Christ, and it is no longer I who live- but he who lives in me. When we no longer trust the concept but see it becomes the way our limbs move and mouths speak-this is the "dark night"- giving up complete control and desire for self. It is only through him that are alive at all, all other parts of me are decaying- those sinful spiritual pleasures of self. Currently the "dark night" is taking its tole on pride and luxury in my life. Peace and humility have started to show their faces more and more- These are the hard ones right now. 

God, give me strength because I have none for your kingdom. My strength is only strong enough indulge deep into the pleasures of this world. Give me your strength, so that I might not see my flesh so righteous, but only by your hand that I am able to stand. 

Father Abraham Had Many Sons

"The Creator God has a purpose, a goal, and it is nothing less than blessing the nations of humanity."

                                                 - Christopher Wright 

The Abrahamic Covenant was given as gift to Abraham and all of his descendants. God told him that, "All the nations of the earth will be blessed through you."(Gen 12:3) Even in the New Testament, we are reminded, "And you are heirs of the prophets and of the covenant God made with your fathers. He said to Abraham, 'Through your offspring all peoples on earth will be blessed.' "(Acts 3:25) 

Ultimately, the blessing that has been given to us that shall be a blessing to all people is Christ himself. God is clear in his Covenant he makes with Abraham that this blessing is not only for the Israelites, but the blessing shall be for all people of ALL nations, and it is through his heirs that ALL shall be blessed.  

It's is clear that God's people not only are to blessed those who surround them locally, or within their own nation, but that all nations shall bless all people. Well, what does that mean for us? 

The Church at Brook Hills have found great weight in this covenant. This church in southern Alabama have established their priority to be a blessing to all-people and all nations. One of the three pillars the church is based on is called: Global Disciple-Making. Firstly, they have committed to educating their members with knowledge of un-reached people groups, poverty, and the and an understanding of the global church. Secondly, they have committed to praying, going, and giving to the nations. Within these three, there are ministries that collectively live these verbs. Teams that are committed to not only pray and give of their finances, but also planting churches and making disciples across the world. 

This is just a glimpse at what this church pours out of themselves to our brothers and sisters of all nations, they also strive to bless those within their city- outside of the suburbs they live in. I was talking with my grandparents, and they were telling me how they had visited this church. He mentioned that while they were there, 12 families had committed to sell their homes and move into inner city neighborhood so that they could live life with/ be a blessing to those who have less. 

This is God's desire for his people. 

"From every nation, tribe, language and people are gathered among the redeemed in the new creation." Revelation 7:9 

^" There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.  If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise."    Galatians 3:28-29

Father, renew and remind us of our strength that is in the body of Christ, your Church. Forgive us for our vanity and give us a new zeal to be blessings to all people, of all nations. 

Chad

I was reading Chad Smith's Blog today, and in response to C.S. Lewis' writing he mentioned a desire to be a golden wheat field, rather than a beautiful grass field. He was communicating that how easy and comfortable it is to look beautiful on the outside, and never change- much like a grass field. But his desire was to be torn apart, plowed up and re-sown so that he might be transformed into the image of Christ. Chad was confessing a sin that I struggle with deep, this desire for self- over growth of the kingdom. For no one will receive the fruits of a grass field.

Jesus make in me a unsettled man- only finding rest in the field that you tend.

"In like manner, when the enemy tempts a just soul with his wiles and deceits, he wishes and desires that they be received and kept in secret. When they are revealed to a confessor or some other spiritual person who understands his deceits and evil designs, the enemy is greatly displeased for he knows that he cannot succeed in his evil design once his obvious deceits have been discovered."

                                          -Ignatius of Loyola 

Ignatius makes it clear in his writings that the enemies biggest fear is confession. When we confess the sin in our lives it gives us freedom in which God desires all to live in- this is the life to the fullest that he has promised. But for some reason, in the community that I have grown up in- and maybe even more commonly within the church, I've discovered that this is sooooo hard to do. We do everything in our power to avoid being honest about the crap in our lives, so that we might look a little bit prettier. (Im really good at that.) 

When I was 18, one of my best friends and I went out to grab a burger. We had been friends for a long time, and he was easily the person I felt most comfortable sharing anything with. Even then, I had been hiding a specific sin in my life for about 3 years, and had avoid talking about it at all cost- even if that meant pitching ridiculous lies. I had confessed this to God and asked for forgiveness, found freedom in doing so- but still I felt so shameful. That night with a heavy heart, I confessed my darkest sin to a great friend. Feeling so ashamed, I looked up and he was also crying. He then confessed his brokenness for not being a bold friend. That night I experienced complete freedom in the presence of confession. I would define freedom as not being bound by anything. This is only possible through the strength of Christ, and in him alone. 

"Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for each other, so that you may be healed." James 5:16

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:19

After discovering that freedom in confession, I have found that it is the only way to live in freedom. We are to not only confess our sins to God, but to our brothers and sisters as well. This is real community, and it is God's desire for his people. Don't get me wrong, it's still not easy to confess super dumb sins that are extremely embarrassing- but it hurts worse to hide. I am so blessed now to have brothers that I can go to at any point and confess, knowing that they will receive me well, show me grace, and commit to covering me in prayer. Not only this, but I have also discovered that it is important to have people in your life that will commit keep you in check, and will honestly and lovingly approach you about sin in your life they see, that has not been made known you. 

"We need a deeper musing upon our perennial knack for disobedience and God’s unbounded habit of mercy.  We need a richer contemplation upon that Life that shows us the way so we may follow “in his steps.”  We need a fuller meditation upon that Death that sets us free.  We need a more profound experience of that Resurrection that empowers us to obey Christ in all things."

                                                  - Richard Foster 

Three Desires- Julian of Norwich

“For the highest form of prayer is to the goodness of God. It comes down to us to meet our humblest needs. It gives life to our souls and makes them live and grow in grace and virtue. It is near in nature and swift in grace,for it is the same grace which our souls seek and always will.”  

-Julian of Norwich

Three things I desire from God.

That my faith will become my strength. I want to know God’s goodness and sovereignty in such a way that it becomes all that I trust. It’s easy to say things like, “God is good, all the time- All the time, God is good.” Is my heart proclaiming that as truth, or rather hope. My first desire is that my faith would become real, even if it is through suffering. 

Suffering: that I would not desire to please myself. I’m discovering that in the moments that we die to ourselves, it becomes extraordinarily difficult to be selfish. My second desire from God is that I would seek his goodness through suffering; in such a way that I would not separate the two. 

I do not have a third yet. While reading the prayers of Julian of Norwich- her prayers that reach a desire to know the lords goodness just a little more, even if it means tasting death. In the genuineness of my heart, I find myself hesitant to pray anything even similar. I want to commit to the first two- until a third has become real. 

Father you have inclined to me and heard my cry, give me endurance in faith, knowing that you hear my voice. 

"Worship, therefore, is the fuel and goal of missions.  It’s the goal of missions because in missions we simply aim to bring the nations into the white hot enjoyment of God’s glory.  The goal of missions is the gladness of the peoples in the greatness of God."

                            -John Piper

Shout for joy to God, all the earth!

²     Sing the glory of his name;
    make his praise glorious.
³ Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!
    So great is your power
    that your enemies cringe before you.
⁴ All the earth bows down to you;
    they sing praise to you,
    they sing the praises of your name.”^[a]

⁵ Come and see what God has done,
    his awesome deeds for mankind!
⁶ He turned the sea into dry land,
    they passed through the waters on foot—
    come, let us rejoice in him.
⁷ He rules forever by his power,
    his eyes watch the nations—
    let not the rebellious rise up against him.

⁸ Praise our God, all peoples,
    let the sound of his praise be heard;
⁹ he has preserved our lives
    and kept our feet from slipping.

Psalm 66:1-9 

This passage is a beautiful picture of the connecting pieces between worship and missions. Our inner beings cries out in worship, the whole earth bows at his feet- because he is good and he is ALL that is good. This is the fuel that drives us to participate in the mission of God.

Reflection of the Four Loves.

The Four Loves that Bernard of Clairvaux offers are: 

-Love of self for self's sake

-Love of God for self's sake

-Love of God for God's sake

-Love of self for Gods sake. 

For a long time I was a very selfish person (given I'm still pretty selfish), I can recall a large period of my life that I would like to refer to as "the SHOTGUN stage" In this stage I absolutely loved me. I call it the shotgun stage in reference to the my desire to be in the front seat of a car, "SHOTGUN, I called it!"-I would yell. This would immediately be followed by me running to the passengers side door and jumping in the front seat- shoving my brothers out of the way, and into the back of our families big, white, curtained, chevy van. This was love of self for self's sake. 

Then, as my bones grew larger- literally. I started to suffer from these agonizing growing pains. Like most growing pains- they don't last all day long. But when they would come I would SCREEEEAM with all of the oxygen in my lungs, and run to my mom and dad and ask them to rub my legs until it went away. My parents had taught me at a very young age that when we are hurting- we can call on God and he will come to our rescue. I began to understand this, in those times of need I would call on his name and pray that he would make the pain go away. After the pain was gone...I would go back to what I was doing (making trails in the woods behind our house/ ramping my bike over the drainage ditch beside our driveway) , and the thought of God would leave until the pain returned. This was love of God for self's sake.

Understanding this third love came much later. My freshman year of College, as my life began to 'fall apart,' God was so good to embrace me in his arms. But it was not only then that I experienced his love, it began to become very clear to me that he was in all things. He was becoming the source of my joy-the truth that struck so deep was that clearly, God is love. Overwhelmed with his joy, it began to become my character. Important: until we reach this point, it is so much harder to obey Gods commands and love people. Bernard says, "for those who truly love God in this way, also love the things of God...We love because we are loved." This is love of God for God's sake. 

The fourth love I can only explain by my personal understanding/experience, which is not great. This love occurs when we completely die to ourselves. Bernard puts it like this, "for those who melt away from themselves and are entirely transfused into the will of God." This I collect as the little glimpses of heaven we have on earth. Those sweet moments, in which are intended to be our eternal reality. This is love of self for God's sake. 

"The perfect love of God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength will not happen until we are no longer compelled to think about ourselves and attend to our immediate needs."

                                                               -Bernard of Clairvaux

 

10 commands from Matthew Chapter 5

10 Commands from Matthew Chapter 5

1. Don't be angry
2. Do not have lustful intent
3. Do not divorce
4. Don't lie
5. Love your enemies
6. Give to the one who begs from you.
7. Forgive-no matter the circumstance
8. Be perfect
9. Pray for those who persecute you.
10. If anyone asks' for your coat give them your shirt as well.

Two commands that I feel like are so important as we discuss being a disciple-

Firstly, to not be angry. Gooooberrr! There are so many angry people within the church; what are we angry about? The people who are bringing the good news that we were once sinners- but God being rich in mercy has sent his Son as a sacrifice for our sins- that we might not perish, but we have risen WITH Christ and have been placed in the heavenly realms. Not much to be angry about there. In a dark broken world- anger is not a source of light to be the life of all men.

Secondly, to give generously. There are two things that we, the church- have such are hard time with. First of all, we (I) am so selfish. I give to me, so much. If I believe that I am called to die to myself each day- I don't think my generosity is much evidence of such. Also, I know so many people that save up their money and live in a spirit of 'stress' in a way that makes it look like- our God who giver of all good gifts has never blessed or provided for the human race before. "We will overcome by the blood of the lamb, and the word of our testimony." The word of our testimony comes from God's great provision over our lives-not our own.

Jesus- search my heart, reveal the sin in my heart that keeps me from following you as you have called your disciples. Give me the strength to overcome the evil one. Teach me, Oh God.

"In the same way the Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christ. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the bible itself, are simply a waste of time."    -C.S. Lewis

This summer I spent some time in Denver with a church called Open Doors Fellowship. The mission of the church was to unite the community around them through the loving power of Jesus Christ. Sounds Corny, and thats probably not even their mission statement- but its not so corny when its not on a T-Shirt. This was truly the heart of this church- placed in the middle of the denver ghetto, spending all of their time on the streets pulling the broken and disenfranchised off of the streets and feeding them- and giving them truth. If you were to walk into a service- you would witness the most diverse church family demographics. Everything from recovering drug abusers to upper middle class families, with everything in-between. The church gave me a new perspective of God's Mission. The time this church spent in the sanctuary was blown away by the hours of outreach and service spent in the streets. This is the Church.

As C.S. Lewis stresses the importance of giving all areas of your life to God, initially id like to think that I give pieces of each area to God. I even fully trust him with those pieces. For example: I give God glory with my mouth, ill tell him that the sacrifice is for him- so that he might receive glory. In those moments when I serve people, or love people, poor myself out. I'll tell him that it is for him that I do those things- but my heart that desires affirmation of man, wants to be recognized for what "I" have done. My prayer today is that I would trust the Lord, in laying down my pride in all areas. That the joy of my heart would be serving in secret, knowing that he is piece of me that is love.

"Beware of practicing you righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. " Matthew 6:1

Fight for Floods?

Essentially,  The Fight for Floods, is the mission statement for my life. As a child I spent the majority of my Texas summers in, on, and around water. It only makes sense to submerge, right? In the Texas heat the only way to survive my daily endeavors was to play hard- knowing that I had some form of fuel within reach to replenish the mass amounts of sweat I was losing. Water- this seemed to always give me a little more life. My Grandparents own a small lake house on the border of Texas and Louisiana. As a kid, I would spend hours simply running as fast as I could across the dock and launch myself as far out into the water as my tiny legs could manage. For hours I did this, why? Reflecting, I merely remember the feeling of launching myself into the air, or the wood clanking underneath my feet, or how far and high I could get. I can barely even remember how the water felt as I splashed into it. The image and feeling carved deeply in my head-brain is my Grandpa's face. Every moment that I was running, leaping, and splashing into the water- he was there, sitting on the end of the dock in his chair. Each time that I bobbed up out of the water, I would look up eagerly to see the reaction on his face. It never failed, Grandpa was always full of joy. I think was so eager because I knew he would be clapping his hands with a huge smile on his face saying, "woooooooow," (in grandpa voice of course.) This was joy- this is where it made sense as a child- the water.

As I grew older my summers remained spent on the water, I was drawn to it. My heart ached to be swallowed up in a sunny day on the water. The funny thing was, at the end of the day- we would load the boat back up and the joy that I had found on the water would slowly begin to slip away along with the sun over the horizon.

Reaching my 18th year of life- the pieces started falling in place, painfully. The things that had given me life (or so I had believed) began to hurt, they were disappearing all around me. Shortly after- I fell into a depression, or what I would now pin as suffering. As the gravity of my suffering became so strong that I could bear no more- I ran. I ran in to a field with no intention but to get far enough away where no one could hear me scream. This was my scream: "God why, why do I feel this way? Have you left me? It hurts, it hurts sooo bad. God I don't want to hurt any more. I want to be who you created me to be. I want to feel joy. I need you." Immediately- my screaming tears, all of the pain in my heart, the weight of darkness, the void that grown so large- vanished. It was gone. Immediately- tears became laughter, pain in my heart became overwhelming joy, the weight of darkness transformed in to hope, and the void that created depression was filled with purpose. That night- I tasted living water.

¹¹ “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? ¹² Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

¹³ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

¹⁵ The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

As I reflect on my life- the progression of events, its serendipity- doesn't make much sense. But, as I study this passage the pieces start to fall into place. The well that I had been drinking from could never quench my thirst like I desired. That night I called on my creators name, and he gave me living water.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:1-2

I had seen that joy my whole life. Often, I am reminded of my grandpa's face; the way he smiled and clapped his hands. He was living in the presence of my savior, his joy being established Gods mysterious plan- Which is Christ himself. I now stand on the same rock as my grandpa. We have tasted the same fountain.

The life I have been given looks much different now. I have been made into a new creation, casting off my old self- and now being molded through sanctification into the character of Jesus Christ, my redeemer. He has overwhelmed me in every season with his power and love. More specifically- by trusting him, he has taken me on an adventure that I could have never planned- allowing me catch glimpses of the world through his eyes! This is life- only with open hands and grace in every moment.

This is the mission statement of my life: "The Fight for Floods." Nothing in my inner most being longs for anything more, than for all of creation to drink of the same fountain that has given me life. There is nothing that gives me more joy than seeing my brothers and sisters taste living water.

Let us walk in the Heavenly Realms, as we have been place with Jesus. Let us be stripped of our worldly desires. Let it be made known to us the sin in our hearts that so strongly entangles us in this world. May we find our earthly homes under the roof of suffering- so that the darkness of this world is overwhelmed by the Light and Life of all men.

I am a wicked man. The only good thing inside of me is Jesus- and he has given me life.