Reflection of the Four Loves.

The Four Loves that Bernard of Clairvaux offers are: 

-Love of self for self's sake

-Love of God for self's sake

-Love of God for God's sake

-Love of self for Gods sake. 

For a long time I was a very selfish person (given I'm still pretty selfish), I can recall a large period of my life that I would like to refer to as "the SHOTGUN stage" In this stage I absolutely loved me. I call it the shotgun stage in reference to the my desire to be in the front seat of a car, "SHOTGUN, I called it!"-I would yell. This would immediately be followed by me running to the passengers side door and jumping in the front seat- shoving my brothers out of the way, and into the back of our families big, white, curtained, chevy van. This was love of self for self's sake. 

Then, as my bones grew larger- literally. I started to suffer from these agonizing growing pains. Like most growing pains- they don't last all day long. But when they would come I would SCREEEEAM with all of the oxygen in my lungs, and run to my mom and dad and ask them to rub my legs until it went away. My parents had taught me at a very young age that when we are hurting- we can call on God and he will come to our rescue. I began to understand this, in those times of need I would call on his name and pray that he would make the pain go away. After the pain was gone...I would go back to what I was doing (making trails in the woods behind our house/ ramping my bike over the drainage ditch beside our driveway) , and the thought of God would leave until the pain returned. This was love of God for self's sake.

Understanding this third love came much later. My freshman year of College, as my life began to 'fall apart,' God was so good to embrace me in his arms. But it was not only then that I experienced his love, it began to become very clear to me that he was in all things. He was becoming the source of my joy-the truth that struck so deep was that clearly, God is love. Overwhelmed with his joy, it began to become my character. Important: until we reach this point, it is so much harder to obey Gods commands and love people. Bernard says, "for those who truly love God in this way, also love the things of God...We love because we are loved." This is love of God for God's sake. 

The fourth love I can only explain by my personal understanding/experience, which is not great. This love occurs when we completely die to ourselves. Bernard puts it like this, "for those who melt away from themselves and are entirely transfused into the will of God." This I collect as the little glimpses of heaven we have on earth. Those sweet moments, in which are intended to be our eternal reality. This is love of self for God's sake. 

"The perfect love of God with our heart, soul, mind, and strength will not happen until we are no longer compelled to think about ourselves and attend to our immediate needs."

                                                               -Bernard of Clairvaux

 

10 commands from Matthew Chapter 5

10 Commands from Matthew Chapter 5

1. Don't be angry
2. Do not have lustful intent
3. Do not divorce
4. Don't lie
5. Love your enemies
6. Give to the one who begs from you.
7. Forgive-no matter the circumstance
8. Be perfect
9. Pray for those who persecute you.
10. If anyone asks' for your coat give them your shirt as well.

Two commands that I feel like are so important as we discuss being a disciple-

Firstly, to not be angry. Gooooberrr! There are so many angry people within the church; what are we angry about? The people who are bringing the good news that we were once sinners- but God being rich in mercy has sent his Son as a sacrifice for our sins- that we might not perish, but we have risen WITH Christ and have been placed in the heavenly realms. Not much to be angry about there. In a dark broken world- anger is not a source of light to be the life of all men.

Secondly, to give generously. There are two things that we, the church- have such are hard time with. First of all, we (I) am so selfish. I give to me, so much. If I believe that I am called to die to myself each day- I don't think my generosity is much evidence of such. Also, I know so many people that save up their money and live in a spirit of 'stress' in a way that makes it look like- our God who giver of all good gifts has never blessed or provided for the human race before. "We will overcome by the blood of the lamb, and the word of our testimony." The word of our testimony comes from God's great provision over our lives-not our own.

Jesus- search my heart, reveal the sin in my heart that keeps me from following you as you have called your disciples. Give me the strength to overcome the evil one. Teach me, Oh God.

"In the same way the Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christ. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the bible itself, are simply a waste of time."    -C.S. Lewis

This summer I spent some time in Denver with a church called Open Doors Fellowship. The mission of the church was to unite the community around them through the loving power of Jesus Christ. Sounds Corny, and thats probably not even their mission statement- but its not so corny when its not on a T-Shirt. This was truly the heart of this church- placed in the middle of the denver ghetto, spending all of their time on the streets pulling the broken and disenfranchised off of the streets and feeding them- and giving them truth. If you were to walk into a service- you would witness the most diverse church family demographics. Everything from recovering drug abusers to upper middle class families, with everything in-between. The church gave me a new perspective of God's Mission. The time this church spent in the sanctuary was blown away by the hours of outreach and service spent in the streets. This is the Church.

As C.S. Lewis stresses the importance of giving all areas of your life to God, initially id like to think that I give pieces of each area to God. I even fully trust him with those pieces. For example: I give God glory with my mouth, ill tell him that the sacrifice is for him- so that he might receive glory. In those moments when I serve people, or love people, poor myself out. I'll tell him that it is for him that I do those things- but my heart that desires affirmation of man, wants to be recognized for what "I" have done. My prayer today is that I would trust the Lord, in laying down my pride in all areas. That the joy of my heart would be serving in secret, knowing that he is piece of me that is love.

"Beware of practicing you righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. " Matthew 6:1

Fight for Floods?

Essentially,  The Fight for Floods, is the mission statement for my life. As a child I spent the majority of my Texas summers in, on, and around water. It only makes sense to submerge, right? In the Texas heat the only way to survive my daily endeavors was to play hard- knowing that I had some form of fuel within reach to replenish the mass amounts of sweat I was losing. Water- this seemed to always give me a little more life. My Grandparents own a small lake house on the border of Texas and Louisiana. As a kid, I would spend hours simply running as fast as I could across the dock and launch myself as far out into the water as my tiny legs could manage. For hours I did this, why? Reflecting, I merely remember the feeling of launching myself into the air, or the wood clanking underneath my feet, or how far and high I could get. I can barely even remember how the water felt as I splashed into it. The image and feeling carved deeply in my head-brain is my Grandpa's face. Every moment that I was running, leaping, and splashing into the water- he was there, sitting on the end of the dock in his chair. Each time that I bobbed up out of the water, I would look up eagerly to see the reaction on his face. It never failed, Grandpa was always full of joy. I think was so eager because I knew he would be clapping his hands with a huge smile on his face saying, "woooooooow," (in grandpa voice of course.) This was joy- this is where it made sense as a child- the water.

As I grew older my summers remained spent on the water, I was drawn to it. My heart ached to be swallowed up in a sunny day on the water. The funny thing was, at the end of the day- we would load the boat back up and the joy that I had found on the water would slowly begin to slip away along with the sun over the horizon.

Reaching my 18th year of life- the pieces started falling in place, painfully. The things that had given me life (or so I had believed) began to hurt, they were disappearing all around me. Shortly after- I fell into a depression, or what I would now pin as suffering. As the gravity of my suffering became so strong that I could bear no more- I ran. I ran in to a field with no intention but to get far enough away where no one could hear me scream. This was my scream: "God why, why do I feel this way? Have you left me? It hurts, it hurts sooo bad. God I don't want to hurt any more. I want to be who you created me to be. I want to feel joy. I need you." Immediately- my screaming tears, all of the pain in my heart, the weight of darkness, the void that grown so large- vanished. It was gone. Immediately- tears became laughter, pain in my heart became overwhelming joy, the weight of darkness transformed in to hope, and the void that created depression was filled with purpose. That night- I tasted living water.

¹¹ “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? ¹² Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

¹³ Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, ¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

¹⁵ The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

As I reflect on my life- the progression of events, its serendipity- doesn't make much sense. But, as I study this passage the pieces start to fall into place. The well that I had been drinking from could never quench my thirst like I desired. That night I called on my creators name, and he gave me living water.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:1-2

I had seen that joy my whole life. Often, I am reminded of my grandpa's face; the way he smiled and clapped his hands. He was living in the presence of my savior, his joy being established Gods mysterious plan- Which is Christ himself. I now stand on the same rock as my grandpa. We have tasted the same fountain.

The life I have been given looks much different now. I have been made into a new creation, casting off my old self- and now being molded through sanctification into the character of Jesus Christ, my redeemer. He has overwhelmed me in every season with his power and love. More specifically- by trusting him, he has taken me on an adventure that I could have never planned- allowing me catch glimpses of the world through his eyes! This is life- only with open hands and grace in every moment.

This is the mission statement of my life: "The Fight for Floods." Nothing in my inner most being longs for anything more, than for all of creation to drink of the same fountain that has given me life. There is nothing that gives me more joy than seeing my brothers and sisters taste living water.

Let us walk in the Heavenly Realms, as we have been place with Jesus. Let us be stripped of our worldly desires. Let it be made known to us the sin in our hearts that so strongly entangles us in this world. May we find our earthly homes under the roof of suffering- so that the darkness of this world is overwhelmed by the Light and Life of all men.

I am a wicked man. The only good thing inside of me is Jesus- and he has given me life.